Oafish Oprah Bubble-Bathes Bewildered Bieber

CHICAGO:  Dieting Deity, OPRAH WINFREY was recently spotted in her Harpo Studio bubble-bath, mistakenly using eensy-tweensy, JUSTIN BIEBER as a loofa for her bulbous back-sack! 
Though shaken, JUSTIN, said it was an honor to sluff such a big celebrity, adding, "I loved him in Shrek."