Kim-Kar Kanoodles with Jail-Bait Bieber

HOLLYWOOD: It's official!  Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber are dating!  The Goddess of Glutes was recently spotted at a Hot Hollywood Hangout with her brand-new BF in a bouncing in a baby bjorn!  Kim-Kar looked magniferious in a Marchesa mini, while the Justinator sported a sporty Garanimals Onsey! After a wild night of partying, the Fabu-Two retired to a public changing-station for a romantic evening of powder and Desitin!

Kim Kardashian's Kardiac-Krushing Kommercial Kick

HOLLYWOOD:  Famous Person, KIM KARDASHIAN is peddling products from the unflatteringly fattening to the fitness-freaky fat-burning!  The Dazzling Dizzy Doozy can be spotted sexily suckling the Carls Jr. Fat-Fried Flab-o-burger! Change the channel and Kim's Gorgeous Glutes are the face of Quick Trim's weight-droppin', pill-poppin', heart-stoppin' diet drugs!  What a heart breaker!  According to sources, the Statuesque Sexbot shall receive a reported $1,000,000 for cross-promoting the fabulous Cardiax Defibrillator!  Wow, Kim, you really put the "Drop Dead" in Drop-Dead Gorgeous! 

Loopy Lindsay's La-La Land Alchie Alibi as Booze-O-Meter goes Berserk

BEVERLY HILLS COURTHOUSE  According to Authorities, LINDSAY LOHAN'S Margarita-Monitor was more lit than SHIA LABEOUF at Beerfest!  Swaying before a Judge, LiLo the Stitch swore it was "all a zany mix-up," claiming she was innocently suckling a Juice-Box of Sunny-D, while doing the Hoky-Poky with the kooky cast of "Yo Gabba Gabba" in the Rumpus Room at Hogwarts!  When, all of a sudden, wouldn't you know it, a unicorn on roller blades, bumped Lindsay into a Kiddy-Pool filled with Listerine Mouthwash!  Lindsay had to drink herself out or drown!  Sources say the Judge gave Lindsay a slap on the wrist!  But Liquor-Lappin' Lindsay didn't feel a thing!

Brooke Shields Goes Clubbing...Baby Seals

HOLLYWOOD:  Fur Fashionista BROOKE SHIELDS, was recently spotted at the Hollywood City Zoo, on a chic-o-rific shopping spree!  Looking fabu in full-length kitten, beaver muff with panda-skin fanny-pack, the Blue Lagooness bought-up every cuddly critter she could get her mink-mitts on!  Sources say PETA, cleverly disguised as Orangutans, doused the Latisse Spokeswoman in Heinz Ketchup!  The "Suddenly Susan" Star fled the Guerilla Gorillas, making a B-line for the Nickelodeon Studios, where she settled for the next cutest thing!  JUSTIN BIEBER!  According to sources, Beautiful Brooke had the Tween Sensation skinned and turned into a comfortable pair of hair-do lined Uggs!

Hugh Done It

PLAYBOY MANSION:  Doddering Dirty Bird, HUGH HEFNER was recently spotted in his infamous "Infirmary of Infidelity" where he was cane-banging not one, not two, but four PLAYBOY BUNNIES!  With the rubberized tips of his walker!  According to KENDRA, (Ex-Girlfriend # 134,005) the Geriatric Gigolo is "as Frisky as a Fratboy...who needs Woody Pills, Daddy Diapers and a Difibulator."