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HOLLYWOOD: CHARLIE SHEEN is at it again!  The "Two and a Half Men" star took his kids to the country fair, where he power-slammed several ciders before stumbling behind the wheel of a bumper-car!  According to sources, the Hollywood bad-boy was power-bumping sobbing children in an apple-enduced rage, before busting through the walls of the ride and onto the LA freeway!  After a 30 mile chase by LA Police, Charlie crashed!  When police pulled a disoriented Charlie out of the wreckage, he was covered in cotton candy and, inexplicably, nude!  As Charlie looked down at his junk he inquired, "Where's my wallet?"

Crabs, Scabs...and Fab!

HOLLYWOOD: Something's bugging CHARLIE SHEEN!  His pubis, that is! The Hollywood bad-boy was recently spotted outside his Beverly Hills mansion, wearing a crotchless biohazard suit, being fumigated by a crack team of Orkin Men!  According to sources, the "One and a Half Men" star's pelt unleashed a swarm of army ants, fiddler crabs and a dwarf-stripper named Cupcake!  A disoriented Cupcake shouted, "Where's my money?!"